I think I've figured out the reason why I'm here blogging. I had heard of the term before, and thought "that's not for me" then I heard my childhood "savior" - no better word, and I'll explain in another post when I have time, is publishing a novella in his blog. He is Pete Townshend. I have been a Who fanatic since I was 9 (in 1969 - it's OK - do the math) when Tommy came out. I listened to it every day at least once. You see, I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, and it's a miracle I'm still here. I'm convinced I have 9 lives (again something to go into detail later). So I started to read his blog, and it was such a gift, manna from heaven. When I went to post a comment, they made me go through all this stuff which ended up with ME starting a blog. This was very recently, so I'm still feeling my way around, and I'm all over the place. However, after checking Simon Townshend's web site, which had been down for a year, I still hadn't given up and checked it at least once a week, I saw it was back up, oh - I was so happy. Lo and behold he had a blog as well. Ever since I met Simon he has always been very supportive of my dream to become a photographer, and even allowed me to shoot concerts of his where no one else was allowed to have cameras. When I told him I'd bring some shots the next time I saw him, he said "don't just bring mine, I'd like to see what else you do". What a sweet and gracious man, taking his time to look at my work. I will never forget it, and I still constantly listen to his CD's, each signed by him "to Debby". I'm smiling as I'm typing. Smiling is not a frequent activity for me, unfortunately. Again, that may be why I'm doing this, you see, my life has been extremely difficult over the last year and a half, I've felt very disconnected, and to find some kind of connection again with the best and most memorable part of my life (besides having my daughter) I'm in utopia. I'm the type of person that takes all these things as signs for thought or direction - because it was all too coincidental, and to be honest, I really don't believe in coincidences. Then the third "sign" comes. While I was reading comments on Simon's blog, a name jumped out at me: Gigi NYC. I could never put into words what Gigi means to me. She probably doesn't know it, because I've been so ill and disconnected from all the people in my life she probably thinks I don't care and I have (dumped her). Nothing could be farther from the truth. You see, I am so embarrassed about my situation; I wanted to be in a better place when I spoke/saw her again. I desperately want to tie up some loose ends between us, and I can’t yet. Gigi and I were so close as the moment met, and had so much in common, it was a shame we met much later in life than we should of. I’d like to think we were trying to make up for that. I miss her so much. I just didn't want to dump all my junk on her, when she has so much going on in her life. I didn’t want to become a whining, complaining friend – this hurts, that hurts, this doctor appt., that test, but that what life is about - and I'm going to have to work through it and find some way back to my friend Gigi, if she'll have me. I looked at her blog quickly, and saw that her dog, her beloved Luka died last summer. I cried. I'm one of those animal people, who totally understand what they mean to each other, and recently I have my own stories to tell on those lines, but I just can't face it now. Wow, eighteen months is a long time; a long time to be sick, to be isolated, to endure some of the biggest losses you can have, to not be able to work, to have to fight to keep your child, who is now a teenager and is convinced she knows more than you. Deep breath - and that’s not all of it. I have a feeling it will come gushing out. You know I have a friend who is a screen writer, and he knows a lot about my life. He is after me to write a book. I can't write it non fiction (after all, I haven't grown up to be a serial killer or the first woman president of the USA - so there would be no payoff), so I would write it fiction. Maybe I can "flesh it all out" in this blog, the good parts and bad parts, create characters, and perhaps get some opinions on it. Who knows? G-d may have just discovered that the blog is the vehicle for me, to discover things, to work through them, to recover what I’ve lost. Well I said this would have to be quick, but it's not, and I must go. But as the Governor of Calif. used to say in his movies: " I'll be back". Be well and happy. I'll pray for you, please do the same for me. I'm in desperate need. Debby
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